Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?
Last Updated: 01.07.2025 15:25
Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.
For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.
But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.
4 brilliant deals our hi-fi and home cinema editors recommend this week - What Hi-Fi?
So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”
Be who you already are.
When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.
Amazon launches new R&D group focused on agentic AI and robotics - TechCrunch
I was tired of trying and failing.
The sadness was still there.
Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.
Meme Stocks Made Him a Fortune. Now He’s Betting on Flying Taxis. - WSJ
Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.
But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.
What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.
What is Canada’s digital tax and why is Trump killing trade talks over it? - Al Jazeera
This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.
You are like me, then.
It’s here now, writing to you.
Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.
It’s still here.
It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.
Heroes of the Storm Live Patch Notes - June 2, 2025 - Blizzard News
What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.
It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.
I had run out of hope.
What are some ways to cope with paranoid thoughts about being gangstalked or targeted individuals?
In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.
And the sadness?
It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.
Mitsubishi Said in Advanced Talks on $8 Billion Aethon Deal - Bloomberg.com
It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.
Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.
So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.
Wrongly deported Kilmar Abrego Garcia returning to U.S. to face criminal charges - Axios
You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.
I was tired of fighting.